Ignition

(Note to active Mormon members, I will say things here that you won't like)

I was an active Mormon 100% devoted to my calling with the Young Women, 100% converted to the doctrine. I gave talks in front of the entire congregation bearing witness to the things I believed were true. So what changed? Did I read anti-Mormon literature? Did I give up and say it's all just too hard? Did I crave 'worldly things'? No, No and No. I'll tell you what happened. I read the Book of Mormon. Faithfully reading from my scriptures I came to the second chapter in Jacob for the nth time in my life but this time I noticed something that I hadn't before. Here are verses 27-30, v30 is where I stopped short:

27 Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none;

28 For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women. And whoredoms are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts.

29 Wherefore, this people shall keep my commandments, saith the Lord of Hosts, or cursed be the land for their sakes.

30 For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up seed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things.

Here I realised that God was saying He might implement plural marriage at some future time. I had never noticed that before (must have been very sleepy those other times I read it). I cross-referenced this with 'revelations' in Joseph Smiths Doctrine and Covenants. You can read section 132 here. It outlines the 'New and Everlasting Covenant' including the plurality of wives. What I read there curdled my blood. Here are verses 54-56 (I have marked some words in bold type) :

54 And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, to abide and cleave unto my servant Joseph, and to none else. But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord; for I am the Lord thy God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law.

55 But if she will not abide this commandment, then shall my servant Joseph do all things for her, even as he hath said; and I will bless him and multiply him and give unto him an hundredfold in this world, of fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, houses and lands, wives and children, and crowns of eternal lives in the eternal worlds.

56 And again, verily I say, let mine handmaid forgive my servant Joseph his trespasses; and then shall she be forgiven her trespasses, wherein she has trespassed against me; and I, the Lord thy God, will bless her, and multiply her, and make her heart to rejoice.

Ok so I left the church about 5 months ago so bear with me here... here's my current response to this 'revelation' - FUCK OFF!!!!

I will give more evidence in future posts but for now suffice it to say that after more than a year of research I believe that Joseph Smith wrote this 'revelation' from his own philandering heart and mind (or should I say penis!). Whatever his delusions of grandeur were this step places him squarely in the realm of bastard, scoundrel, villain, rogue, rascal, snake, jerk, swine, cad, knave.... take your pick.

Note the highlighted section. For several hours I believed that God would destroy me if I would not accept plural marriage in the future. During this time I felt the greatest pain that I have ever felt in my life. I appeared that God did not love me as much as he did my husband, or any man for that matter. I was a 'thing', property to be traded and used. It hurt. Just remembering that experience now makes my heart race and my stomach turn. Again, after 12+ months of sorting through all of this crap I can say FUCK OFF!!! FUCK OFF!!! FUCK OFF !!! to Joe Smith and his accomplices.

I will fill in the gaps in future posts but this was the ignition of my new life.

And on the Seventh Day She Rested

Have you ever said "I wish there was more time in the day", or "...another day in the week"? Wehehehell, this is exactly what I have just experienced. I feel unbelievably excited by the opportunities available to me now that I have freed up more time for me and mine.

Instead of filling every Sunday with 3 hours of church, preparations to get there, food prep afterwards, lesson prep. in the afternoon etc etc etc, now I have a completely 'new'/open day every single week to fill in with delicious activities with my family and friends. Sigh :)

Instead of insane weekly 2-3 hour Young Womens Presidency mtgs I have half a day to..... well to do all those things I could never seem to make time for. It doesn't end there. Tuesday nights I had Youth Activities to attend from 7pm-9/10pm. Then there were the extras: Sunday night Firesides, YW Camps, Youth Conference, Stake Fri/Sat night activities including Dances (groan!), Lesson Prep, phone calls, emails, I'm exhausted just remembering it all. Goodbye to volunteering all of this time at the expense of my sanity AND my financial security! Just when I was ready to work, I got thrown this curve-ball of a calling that they "don't usually assign to mothers of young children" but they "had a strong witness that it was the right call". Hmmmm. I reclaim my time!

Now to a doosie I have recently encountered. I was reading some threads about why people stay and why people leave the church. One person posted that they had tried leaving but then they were so bored on Sunday that they ended up going back. What!!! Then in conversation with some active members someone said that people who leave the church "don't make good use of their time, they fritter it away". Another said that they were sure that they "would not use the extra time in a constructive way so they were better off staying at church". Pause. Shake off feelings of incredulity. Ok then. Do some people just need an excuse not to engage in life?

So here's my plan to make everyone happy. If your idea of fulfillment is the rather extensive list of activities mentioned above then knock yourself out. If you'd rather "fritter away your time" then this way please. Bikini's are optional ;)

A Time to Purge

Over the past 10 years or so I have collected a lot of pictures, games, stories about Mormon beliefs etc and cut, pasted, laminated and filed them away. They have occupied a large shelf in my living room for me to reach into for 'Family Home Evening'. (We have kept this tradition but now call it 'Family Night' and there's a lot more games and a lot less religion).

Last week I spent about 2 hours sorting through these materials. I was not prepared for the emotional battle which ensued. As I threw more and more pictures and stories into the bin I began to feel a sense of loss. Some of these pictures were just beautiful and I felt sad when I threw them away. I particularly felt conflicted when I came across pictures of Nephi and other Book of Mormon Prophets whom I had loved as close friends since childhood. I felt angry. It is not Nephis fault that such deception has been shamelessly used to blind millions of people. Then I decided that since Nephi is a fictional character... just like Margaret Hale, Jane Eyre and Mr Darcy, Nephi could continue to hold a dear place in my heart. I kept his pictures!

The next unexpected feeling was when I came across a picture of Joseph Smith and I had a 'flutter of feeling', not of the religious kind but of the womb kind. Ah! Quick, in the bin! I think I'll just file that feeling away and pull it out whenever I need a good chuckle.

Once I was finished and stepped away to look at the rather bare but neat, clean non-Mormon shelf I felt refreshed, purged even. The pictures of the Temple have been taken down. One small framed picture of Jesus still remains in the kitchen. I'm not sure what how long I'll keep it, he doesn't look too happy these days. I haven't made up my mind on Jesus yet. JS has been monopolising my time so far, I'll get to Jesus soon.

A Creative 7 Year Old

My daughter drew this about a year ago now and I just wanted to post it here because I am so proud of her. My husband pinned it up in our room and it really makes me feel so happy when I look at it. I see this picture and the time she spent on it and I feel that she is happy.

Felt Toys

Felt Toys

A link for those who would like to have a go...

French Martini and I

This may be a weird place to start but that is the whole point of this blog, it is one place for me (ever the purple flying people-pleaser) to please no-one but myself.

So... now I can indulge in the pleasures that life has to offer: alcohol, coffee, tea, bikinis, swearing!! etc.

I'll start with alcohol. It doesn't taste very nice does it? Over the last few months I've tried several brands of beer, so far I like Corona the best. I've tried red and white wine, that must be an acquired taste. I dooo like champagne though. Spirits were just as awful as I remembered from my teenage flirtation with them. However, on New Years Eve I had a Strawberry Daiquiri at the Grapeskin Cafe in Northbridge and I was pleasantly surprised (my purse was a little less enthusiastic!). A few weeks later we returned to this lovely establishment and I had a French Martini and I was in love! I guess since Pineapple Juice has always been my favourite drink it was natural that I would fall for this heavenly beverage. Enjoy!

Hello

So I tried to deal with my deconversion without a blog but my dear husband can't cope with being my main listening ear ALL of the time so I would like to chat to you dear cyber-space and see if that feels better. For now that is all I have to say. Just Hello, it's nice too meet you and I look forward to a long and fruitful friendship.