I am (Part One)

Each cut felt like a release. The thick matt of hair that had been growing for 7 years now lay in a heap on the floor. All those curls! It was like I was looking at a part of my body that had just been removed. I was so used to seeing those curls on me and now they were all the way down there, on the floor, not attached to me. How would they survive?

My head felt lighter. Detached. Free. 

The clippers wouldn't go through my thick gunk-covered frizz of a head so I had to wash away the weeks(!) of product and skin (euphemism for dandruff). It felt amazing to scrub away with a foaming chemical mass of shampoo and not have to fight against a tangle of wanna-be dreads. I couldn't stop. Eventually my moderately patient barber (Rockstar) said it was time. 

The rub down aka pampering time! The barber dried my hair with a towel. I must admit I hadn't thought about all of these extras. I was thinking yeah 10 minutes and it'll be done. Nope. But I liked this part very much. I suddenly realised that this experience might actually be very enjoyable, if I wanted it to be. 

This time the clippers hit their mark. My head has never been shaved before and I had a sudden panic that my head would be cut and and spew forth blood (to be fair, the last time Rockstar cut my hair he did snip my neck and leave a mark!). My barber assured me that clippers don't do that and I chose to believe him. The vibrations were soothing at first, it was relatively easy for me to close my eyes and drift off into the meditative state that I have practiced so often. I put my trust in the hands behind me and just let go. At times the vibrations became too much but a few deep breaths soon sorted that out. 

It was time to reveal. Such white skin. Was that a man? or still a woman? There was my face, staring back at me with nothing to hide behind. And my head! it has bumps and a shape of its own. 

It even has a story to tell. I have 3 scars on my head and I don't know where they came from. I will have to ask mum and dad, I remember a story about me being dropped on my head as a baby?? 

I might shave the mohawk off; it feels pretty butch. I had to try it though. 

My son loves it and wants the same cut. He keeps coming up to me and running his hand over the smooth mohawk and the rough sides. My daughter says I looked prettier before. 

Lamanite!!!

I like it. I feel like a boy though. Sometimes I look in the mirror and still see my femininity but mostly I just see that head! Luckily it is a nice shaped head. I am glad that I could set my head free and symbolically shed the weight of oppression.  I'm looking forward to the stares. I hope I don't blush too much; it really would stuff up the tough bruiser look that I've got going. 

One Year On

mid-Happy Birthday song...  cake decorated a la kids
(oh! do you love my hitchhiking dinosaur shirt? he's off to one of my favourite places - Vegas!) and uh, that's me dancing to the song btw.

It is my thirty-second birthday today but I am also marking another milestone; it has now been a whole year since I last paid tithing (10% of my income) to the Mormon Church. I noticed this when I went over my finances for the 2009/10 year and discovered a difference of about $700 between what the Church says I paid and what my records say I have paid. Hmmm, so I will look into that and I think I will go back further in my records to check that out. Besides that oddity it was quite satisfying to see such concrete evidence of my departure from the Church.

I have not as yet received anything official from the Church to acknowledge that I have removed my name. I am going to re-send my letter, along with the tithing query, along with, wait for it... a letter from Rockstar! He's decided that it's actually taking too long for them to excommunicate him and he wants out.

So, where am I one year on?

I had an amazing aromatherapy full body massage today at my local organic day spa and as soon as I laid down on the massage bed I just melted away. The music, the soft bed, the peace... and then the awesome massage. I felt very happy. A few thoughts flittered through my mind while I was there, one of them was how wonderful it is to feel free to think whatever I want. I can read about anything that I am interested in, talk to whomever I choose and make up my own mind about how this world works and what might be beyond it. Early on this idea freaked me out a bit but now I find it to be extremely liberating and calming. I am the one at the helm of my life and it feels great!

So I am 32 in earth years and 1 anno libertatis!      


(Daniel, dear linguist friend of mine, have I bastardised the latin or does it work? See Daniels comment below for the reasons I have changed anno liberta to anno libertatis! Thanks Daniel)

pizza faces

looks like Canaan thought I'd need some help