Sexplorations

I have so many sexy things to share with you.


A couple of weeks ago I went to see The Vagina Monologues. I thought I would like it... and I did! I wasn't even uncomfortable although I thought I might be. Each monologue captured me and taught me something new. For those of you not on fb here is my status update from that night -


"So Maureen, how was the Vagina Monologues? ... Well, I learned that to love a vagina you must first love hair. I also learned that there are like a billion different ways to moan. A vagina can be very aptly compared to a heart. Oh, and I got to practice yelling "CUNT!" ... not bad for one night."


Last night I went to a community gathering organised by our local eco-faeries to listen to and ask questions of sexologist Claire Litton. I went there with 2 girlfriends and there were about 35-40 in attendance, most between the ages of about 25 and 40 and a whole lot of attractiveness to boot! You could feel the love in the room. Sexologist Claire even remarked at one point how our attention was easily lost in our apparent desire to be all hippy-love supportive of each other... big virtual hugs all round every time someone said something that resonated with someone else, which was like every freakin' time someone spoke! 


That night I learned that I'm not the only one who grew up with hang-ups about sex. The non-Mo' populace also often struggles with sexuality. Porn seemed to be a big topic. Mostly people were concerned about the negative impact that it can have on people. Sexologist Claire spoke about the pornification of our society. She said that many people are learning about sex through porn (particularly porn that is not femme friendly) rather than in sex-ed and that this is altering our sex lives somewhat. I was a bit confused, having recently delved into the world of porn I was starting to like what I saw but then I realised that I have been lucky enough to discover porn at a time when there is beginning to be a lot of feminist porn out there. I have been spoiled by Erika and Tristan. When I mentioned these film-makers to the room no-one (other that Claire) had heard of them. How weird that the least sexually experienced person in the room (taking wild liberties with my assumptions here) would have accessed the best porn of anyone in the room (more liberties). 


And probably the number one word for the night? Communication! yup, talking before, during and after sex is highly recommended. Sexy talk that is, not your shopping list ok!


Another hot tip for the night was a plug for the Genderfuck Ball in a couple of weeks.  From the ad - "Genderfuck ; (v) the self-conscious effort to “fuck with” or play with traditional notions of gender identity, gender roles, and gender presentation." Now the question, what to wear??? I can't wait!


I ran across this article about improving sex worker's rights. "The West Coast Co-operative of Sex Industry Professionals (WCCSIP) in Vancouver, Canada, is taking the safety of sex workers into its own hands, reports Joanna Chiu in Herizons. The WCCSIP, made up of women, men, and trans-individuals, is one of several successful sex-worker organizations around the world. (In India, the group Durbar Mahila Samanwaya Committee has 65,000 members.) In an ambitious new proposal aimed to reduce violence against sex workers, the WCCSIP is lobbying to start a co-op brothel in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside. "


Oooh, and I 'liked' Susie Bright on fb. I'm a little star-struck by her I must admit. Her book Sexual State of the Union opened the door for me to a bright new world of sexual freedom. 


I should also probably mention that I was un-friended by another Mo' recently over my pro-porn attitude! Here's some excerpts from that illuminating conversation - 


In the anti-porn corner we have:


the original post - "To my parent friends out there thinking about taking your kids to see Easter Bunny movie "Hop" - you may want to rethink. The Easter Bunny goes to visit the Playboy mansion and speaks to Hugh Hefner. This is just one more way Playboy markets to children and grooms children to be future pornography consumers. Disgusting."


"but Porn is evil"


"well I'll be teaching my kids that all porn is bad... I don't know what good you are refering to. In my eyes porn is a mockery of the human body"

"And it is my personal opinion that there is nothing healthy about porn, or an entire industry that exploits vulnerable people."

"Smash 'em _________"

"just coz something is a way of life these days doesnt mean we need to accept it, or that it is right. The same can be said for drug alcohol abuse and related problems inc violence, bullying, paedophilia etc. They are all more common than ever, a way of life, but do we just accept them and say it's all good? I know my answer. Good work, _________!" 

...and in the Pro-Porn corner: 

"the Playboy franchise and porn are NOT one in the same. Playboy porn is only a style of porn. We musn't paint all forms with the same Playboy brush here"

"Oh come on, porn is not the enemy here. Once again, this uninformed assumption that all porn is the same and all porn is bad. Pornography is not just Hugh Hefner and his blond living dolls. Some is not good, some is exploitative, a lot isn't."

"what is wrong with being a future pornographer?"

"BTW check out kidsinmind.com when you want to know more about a movie - http://www.kids-in-mind.co
m/h/hop.htm"

and somewhere in the middle:

"Actually, Hugh Hefner was one of the founding influences in women's rights and largely funded the movement in early years. True, his financial support was selfish - so birth control would be introduced and abortion would be made legal, but . but regardless, we wouldnt be where we are as a gender without him. Women in modern times owe him a lot for our equality. Interesting twist, huh? ;) THAT'S the reason I own at least one piece of clothing with his bunny logo on it. Im in no danger of becoming a porn star, trust me....the reference to Hugh's financial contribution to women's rights is from a book called Female Chauvanist Pigs: The Rise of Raunch Culture."

......................

Well that ought to keep you busy for a while. I'll let you know how the ball goes. 

Yeah.. but you were raised a Mormon

There are a lot of ideas and questions going around in my head about things that used to be settled and now are not. It’s like I started tugging at a loose thread on my shirt and now it is completely unravelling. Soon I’ll be shirtless!

I lost faith in the founder of my lifelong religion. Then I lost my god. Now I wonder… what do I know for sure? anything? Is there anything that I can look to for a sense of groundedness?

I have had to admit that my longing for a happily ever after in the next life may well be a pipe dream. I used to believe that if I continued to be the best Mormon I could be then I would get to spend eternity with my loved ones, creating worlds and spirits, becoming gods ourselves. I used to live every day ‘knowing’ that a kind heavenly being was only a prayer away. Now I have chosen to wake up and smell the coffee. AND… I have to do this alone. No one can hand me the answers. But… I’ll let you hold my hand along the way eh!

Not only do I have to figure out how to rein in my sanity in a world gone to pot (that is – the world as I experience it… as in, I feel like a newborn now that I am on the outside of the Mormon church) but it seems as though I may have to work even harder than I thought to have my opinions accepted. A new realisation that came to me recently is that no matter what I say, people will consider my opinion and weigh it against the fact that I was raised in a rather unusual and restrictive religion.

I guess I am wondering – “When will my opinion count just as much as someone’s who was lucky enough to be raised in a non-religious home?”

What am I talking about you ask? Well, when I had an in-depth discussion recently about monogamy, sex and marriage eventually it came out that the other person in the conversation considered my opinion to be tainted by my previous beliefs. To them my opinion simply did not yet hold enough weight for the world at large because I was still biased.

My basic opinion during the discussion was this:

I no longer believe in saving sex for marriage. I believe that sex ought to be a part of a healthy relationship between two people who love each other BUT I guess my conservative leaning is that I really feel that it serves individuals and society best if we have one sexual partner at a time. Having said that I also believe that people should have the freedom to choose who they have sex with and when they have it without any judgment from others. So I am just explaining my personal thoughts on sex not what I would want to impose upon others. Live and let live you know. Except that, well our choices in life do affect other people…… (think STIs and people not being upfront about that). Still, I cannot abide preaching, ew!

The reason that I have been trying to get my head around what I think is ‘healthy’ is that I have two young children who will be entering teenage-hood before long and I would like to have some idea of what to pass on as motherly (but with a twist of sisterly feel about it) wisdom in this area. I am concerned about STIs …. I am also very much thinking about my children’s emotional health. As a teenager I had a rather unhealthy relationship with sex (probably still do, I still need to post about Mormon sexuality but here is some info to get you started!). I would like to have the emotional and mental clarity to be a good advisor for my children.

I reject Mormonism’s dysfunctional attitude towards sex. But I am also a little afraid of the promiscuity I see in popular culture. Fear is never a good place to work from so I need to gain some further understanding.

In the meantime, is it too much to ask that my opinions be considered mine now and not an off-shoot of the Mormon dogma? I guess I could look into changing my name, moving country and thus hopefully cleansing myself from the stain of Mormonism altogether. Then maybe I could be heard without bias issues… but then I’d have to go incognito here… and well, I really do like some of you ;) And look, I know none of us ever get to be truly free of our past, we ARE all biased and prone to subjectivity, I just wonder whether the Mormon stain may be being perceived (by some) as brighter than it actually is?!