Friday, March 18, 2011

If you don't like my fire...

My numbers on fb tend to fluctuate quite a lot. As a vocal ex-Mo I am getting somewhat used to seeing the numbers slip down but damn it! I am trying to get more friends than Rockstar and this 'up 2, down 1' business is making it really hard!

Don't get me wrong, I loooove all of my new non-Mo friends... Loooove them! but there is a little pang in my heart every time a friend decides they've had enough and removes me from their list. Especially when they keep Rockstar on the list bcos then I'll never beat him! hehe. No, seriously all I can think is that they must be keeping him there a.) because he doesn't post that much god-bashing info, or b.) because they think he just left (church) because I pussy-whipped him into it, or c.) because they like him better.

I know, I know you're all thinking c.) right?! (stupid adorable *#@*ing Rockstar!).

I could understand it if I had actually been horrible to these 'friends'.  It really sucks knowing that you've been un-friended because the person doesn't like what you are writing online (ever heard of 'hiding' a persons posts?!). It makes me so terribly proud of my Mo' friends who stick by me no matter what I say about their stinkin' religion. I love them and have never said otherwise about a single Mo' friend, ever! Thanks for seeing ME guys, thanks for seeing past my hurt and giving me the space to grieve and heal.

"Get over it" I hear you say, "they were never real friends" you add. Yes, I agree with you. I just happen to have a nice lil' public blog-hole where I can rant about whatever I feel like and today I feel like saying to all of the people who have un-friended me bcos of my blog-hole......hey! - "If you don't like my fire, Then don't come around Cause I'm gonna burn one down!"

Now I have a confession to make (ooh, that reminds me I just have to go and friend request someone - excuse me, yep done! - that I un-friended ages ago when I was getting all jealous of the girls that Rockstar was friending from his past "Is that an old girlfriend? ...Is that? ...What about that one?" and then I got all self-righteous and un-friended boys from my past, anyone Rockstar didn't know, just to show him how god-damned special I was! what a joke! I have a post to write about control and letting go of it! post-Mormonism).

Er, long tangent. Anyway, confession? yes, right then. Well, there was another time when I went for a mass un-friend-icide and it happened pretty soon after I received some hate mail from some Mo's. Some of this mail was sent anonymously but through a friend I discovered who had written it and they (the writer) were (was?) one of my fb friends!... So I went on the offensive and un-friended all of my Mo' friends that I had not seen or spoken to within a few months. Happy Day(z) when I started getting messages from said Mo' friends asking me what was going on and sending me friend requests  J

So, to all of the Mo's out there who think I un-friended them but can't really remember whether we ever were actually fb friends or not, there's a pretty good chance that we were and that I was a douche and un-friended you. Hey, if you feel like helping me beat that numskull, Rockstar, in the friends department and you think I'm a bit of alright then please by all means friend request me eh?!

Hey, this has been fun! Practicing my writing skillz (hey, I heard that laugh!), therapising myself in the mean-time...loverly!


  1. How do we find you on FB? I'm happy to friend you. There's a button on my blog where you can find me.

  2. Great point, will try to figure that out now :D
    p.s. are you in that secret group yet? on fb.
    I'll just go friend request you now so we can stop teasing people about the secret group ;D

  3. Oh it's so close, just a 3 friend gap! :P

  4. Come dancing. You'll find you gain 70-80 FB friends in a couple of months =)

    On a more serious note, I don't think it's necessarily true that people unfriending you on FB were never really your friends. Sometimes, people just don't like pain.

    "Wait, what pain?" I here you cry. It's at this point I remind you of the emotional stress that arose when you first started dealing with difficult issues in Mormonism, and the -time- it took for you to process those feelings. The fact is, regardless of whether it's for a good reason or not, being forced to confront the cracks in your worldview and re-evaluate your beliefs is a painful and draining experience. There's a process there, and you can't force people through it without creating a lot of turmoil and resistance.

    For some of your friends, those comments are just really hard to read. It undermines their entire self-conception and view of the world, and having that thrust upon them (it's different if they seek it out themselves) is deeply unpleasant and more than a little frustrating. I suspect that many of them unfriended you because they just didn't want to have that stuff popping up in their live feed.

    I don't think your friends were fickle, just defensive.

  5. Bah. Here = Hear. I need sleep.

  6. I have a TBM returned missionary daughter who said the very same thing to me... "Get over it!!" She has no clue how hard it is to get over.

    I'm in the super-dee duper secret Discussion group on FB. I would love to "friend" you but don't want to reveal my identity publicly. How do I find you?

  7. If you're Maureen from Perth, I just friended you.

  8. Woot! Fanny I think I just accepted your friend request. I'll write a post in the super-dee duper secret Discussion group saying 'CODE-IS IT YOU?' and if I've got the right friend then you can reply 'CODE-YUP YUP', how does that sound?

    Cavalcanti - I wish that someone had cared less about my feelings and more about freeing me from my delusions in my first 30 years of life. I do care about the feelings of others and that is why I try to show people the real me, warts and all, so that I don't ever leave people wondering about where I stand. I think it is just too important to say what you mean and mean what you say that I cannot hide my struggles and joys. I just wish that my 'friends' could accept me just as I am. So many do. It is still a little sad when someone decides not to. I thought the phenomenon was worth a little bit of exploration.

    Wow, the kids are listening to the 'How to Train Your Dragon' soundtrack atm, powerful stuff! It got all dramatic while I was writing that last bit about wanting to be accepted for who I am.

    I'd love to dance, and rock-climb , and do karate, and pole-dancing, and Pilates and and and... Can I have a few more lifetimes to fit it all in ;D

  9. Duh! the code thing won't work, I'll send you a fb message. I'd make a terrible secret agent!

  10. CODE-YUP YUP! Too funny. The super-dee duper secret discussion group, I'm just me.. so I'll see ya there!

  11. I will unfriend rockstar to get you a bit closer ;)

  12. ooh TGIAA you are berry berry sneaky! It's cool, I just passed him and now I'm 3 up, yay :)

  13. 'fun' = drama + plenty of time-wasting