Ok, enough already! I’m going to prioritise a blog post today. I keep sending this blog to the bottom of my ‘to do’ list and it is just never going to get any love that way.
Well, one interesting thing that came up during my long absence from blackbikini was an online conversation that DH had with a friend from his past. DH told me about it while we were watching the kids play at these indoor pools that remind me of Las Vegas, so I was feeling pretty laid back at the time (I have a ‘thing’ for Las Vegas, maybe that’s why I love The Killers so much) which I was glad about since the information DH gave me may have really pissed me off had I heard it at some other time.
Once again the story plays out at our friendly neighbourhood watering hole… Facebook. A chat box popped up and it was a friend from way back (not a mutual friend btw, this ‘friend’, who shall now be referred to as ‘Intruder’, has never met me) and conversation soon turned to religion (or lack thereof vis-à-vis Atheism), always a crowd pleaser!
Intruder complained to DH about how it was just such a terrible shame the way that his wife had dragged him away from the gospel; “what happened to the old __________ that I used to know” Intruder continued.
Well DH defended himself of course. He had his doubts about the church waaaaay before I did. The amazing part of our story is that for most of our marriage DH managed to keep his doubts to himself. He saw that I was really invested in the religion and that I seemed happy there. He didn’t want to disrupt that since his doubts were speculations and church life seemed to be a ‘good thing’ for our little family. When I ran headlong into polygamy (you can only hide it away in your closet of things you’d like to ignore for so long you know!) he saw the tide was changing. I was M. A. D.; change was coming. He took the leap before I did. He had been contemplating the god theory for at least 10 years and he was ready when the opportunity to openly question it presented itself. His disaffection was cleaner, more harmonious with good mental and physical health. I on the other hand felt like I had been ripped to shreds, hence the emergence of blackbikini, my lifeline.
So if there are any other lurkers out there who think I put on my fishwife boots and dragged DH out of the arms of god then think again.
As for “the old __________” that you “used to know” firstly, ‘know’ is certainly an overstatement. After 10 years of marriage I’d say DH and I are just beginning to scratch the surface of who the other really is, or is becoming. Secondly this statement is one of those pesky little things that Mo’s say when someone leaves… “where has the ‘real’ you gone??” , well I’d like to respond to that in like fashion “do you mean the Automaton that looked like me and smelled like me but that was really just , well, an Automaton!”. For god’s sake, see the person not the ‘apostate’ people!!!
Finally, Intruder backed off from the ‘let’s dump this shit on his wife because she’s clearly the problem, what with that loud mouth and all’ rant and moved on to bagging my blog (blackbikini is like a train wreck to some people, they just can’t look away!) and then some truly delightful insights into ‘the problem’ with ‘the gays’. Nice.
Now, Intruder, you and I have never met (pray Allah we never do). This piece I’ve written here is sure to rub you the wrong way but I hope it will make you stop and think the next time you open your mouth (especially on facebook, people get ‘braver’ read stupider on facebook). I do have to thank you for one thing though, well no, two things. This story gave me a good laugh at a time when I really needed one; your bigotry turned my Las Vegas oasis into a chuckles retreat. The other payoff was that DH and I got to have a good laugh about something Mormon together.