Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My interview with the Stake President

So I couldn't just leave this witty repartée to die in the mirky depths of commentdom... I have resurrected it and hope to breathe new life into it here with you. 




INTRO - In my post 'Big Love' I mentioned that it tends to irk me that some TBMs (True Believing Mormons) now view me as "...the devil's plaything..." here's what ensued in commentdom:




Stake Pres. said...


As a stake president I definitely consider you to be a plaything um I mean the devils plaything is what I meant not my own personal plaything or anything as that would be highly inappropriate for a stake president to desire you in such a fashion which obviously wouldn't be the case.


M said...



...



Stake Pres. - Sorry to tease you like that :P I really should watch my word choices around men who don't regularly 'take care of business' - my bad ;D (p.s. I need to make an appointment to discuss my relationship with my shower nozzle with you, can you fit me in this week?).



Stake Pres. said...





I always give top priority in my schedule to sisters who seem to have developed inappropriate relationships with plastic devices.

In order for them to overcome their weaknesses I encourage them to provide full and thorough accounts of their experiences.

This always includes any fantasies that they have (since we are judged on our thoughts as well as our actions).

Due to the urgent nature of this offense please come and see me tomorrow evening at my office, right after family home evening.



M said...




That suits me :) We'll be having Hot Mormon Muffins for the FHE treat so I'll be sure too bring some with me to our interview. Should I bring the shower nozzle with me for clarification? Oh, your place or mine?






Stake Pres. said...




Please do bring the offending shower nozzle. It may become useful as the interview unfolds. I look forward to our meeting at the stake centre. Being a Monday night we should be able to conduct the whole affair (for want of a better word) in complete privacy.








For more such shenanigans you can visit the Stake President's own blog :D

13 comments:

  1. President, I might need to make an appointment with you as well. I seem to have disobeyed the Lord's admonition against loud laughter.

    I can bring my own nozzle.

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  2. Daniel you have made sacred oaths and covenants against loud laughter. If you are truly guilty of this offense I would suggest an immediate appointment with me. Please bring your temple reccomend along with any nozzles that are distracting you from your priesthood duties. I may have to confiscate both.

    The President

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  3. I <3 President Paternoster!

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  4. Prez, I was beginning to wonder of the authenticity of your identity. After reading this thread, I'm finally convinced you're a real stake president.

    Thanks for keeping all us apostates in line. But loud laughter has never been my problem... I always keep it at a low chuckle to preserve reverence.

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  5. Sister Leah I'm not sure exactly what <3 means, but allow me the liberty of assuming that, like many, you are smitten by me and my rugged good looks to the point where you can think of little else. If this be the case then I would say it is very very healthy and is a first step in your recovery. You see first we must love, admire and sustain our church leaders. Then as they grow on us and we gain a testimony of them we set goals to become just like them. Soon we all speak, act and even look alike. Keep up the good work Sister Leah. You are not nearly as lost as I had previously thought.

    Fanny there is no need to doubt my authenticity. I am glad the spirit has finally witnessed this unto you. I would like to thank you on behalf of the Lord. For even though you no longer attend His church, you have not become so lost that you have forgotten the importance of preserving reverence by avoiding the blatant loud laughter that is so common in these the latter days.

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  6. Oh, President, how I could sustain you!

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  7. Though I've had a bit to drink. That might just be the liquor talking.

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  8. Oh God, Fanny, the first time I went through the temple I wanted to laugh but everyone was looking at my like "isn't this great" and I felt that I had to just fake a smile and just hang on until it was all over! I honestly thought everyone there was stark raving mad but sure enough, over time, I became one of them. I'd loved to have heard a little chuckle escape from someone's lips!

    Stake Pres. I believe Leah was trying to say♥. She has a tendency to fall head over heals quite quickly but I am sure you are right that this can be put to good use in the kingdom. Maybe we should posthumously marry her to Joseph Smith (I hear he is currently accepting new wives); he was said to be quite alluring, maybe that could help focus her energies in the right place too?

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  9. Leah I can assure you it is not the liquor talking. As you become in tune with the Lord Satan will whisper to you that it is not the spirit but the spirits that are influencing you. Please ignore such thoughts.

    I tend to agree with Maureen’s analysis that sealing you to Joseph would set you on the right path; unless of course you would rather Brigham?

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  10. Wow, the prospect of being banged by Joe Smith for all eternity is tempting. I'll pray about it.

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  11. The Stake President is a good man.

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  12. Brigham is just not even in the same category as Joe! Big Ew there! Double Ew even!!!

    That'd be some mighty Viagra Leah!

    happy to be of service Jen :D

    TGD - as are you my friend!

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