Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Dream a Little Dream

About a year ago someone at church stopped me in the halls and told me that they'd had a weird dream about me... (I figured if they're happy to tell me about it then it couldn't be too bad). They had dreamed that they were at the supermarket and then saw me in the fruit and veg section dressed in only a bikini! nice. So did I look good? Oh yes, you looked fabulous! great. Nice story, thanks for the laugh :) - NB: walking around in a bikini, even at the beach, is prohibited by contemporary Mormon dress standards.

Fast forward about 6 months, I needed to contact this same person about some matter and it was also necessary for me to explain to them that I had all but left the church. They then informed me that there had been a little more to the dream than they had previously let on. Apparently in the dream we had also spoken briefly and I had explained that I no longer believed in the church. Now this dream occurred at a time when the dreamer would have had no idea that I was beginning to question things. Outward appearances would have been that all was fine and dandy (nice word eh! - I think my Scottish Body Balance trainer is influencing me!).

So, there is more to this story than I can tell here but suffice to say that we (dreamer and I) take great pleasure in the idea that we have experienced our own vision aherm! I mean dream! erm, vision, nonono dream!! definitely a dream, oh but it's so confusing, how do you tell the difference?!

And there you have it... My Black Bikini is very symbolic to me. The colour choice too was purposeful. I have many dark thoughts and feelings about my metamorphosis. It also represents permission that I give myself to be angry, crass and selfish in the process. As a friend of mine flatteringly reassured me:

“An examined life makes interesting memories, though some be wrinkled, stained and painful. I look forward to the multitude of mistakes and triumphs, clarity and confusion that come with the Black Bikini. I'm sure you'll wear it with the dignity and self respect that you wore the white.”

Thank you dear friend. As my heart is beginning to feel lighter and brighter I think I may need to find myself a rainbow coloured bikini.


  1. Definately a dream, not that other thing! :)

  2. I really should sit on my posts a bit longer before publishing them. I meant to write vision (not revelation, although that makes sense here too).

  3. Maureen, it is time to start thinking about getting a tattoo. As members, we have always been instructed that tattoos are wrong. I very much disagree with that now. You could do a little black bikini. That would look cool and mean a lot to you. I am working on the plans of a meaningfull tattoo for me. I like the idea of a Bird of Phoenix signifying a rebirth or reawakening. Tattoos are cool.

  4. I can see that, like a curvy figure in a black bikini similar to those pics on old airplanes. I feel pretty rebellious these days, whatever Mormons say no to I want to say yes to, well not everything but you know what I mean.

    My brother is riddled with tattoos which has put me off getting my own so far. My daughter and I went out and got our ears pierced about a month or so after leaving the church. I had two holes in each ear from teenagehood and one hole higher up one of my ears but they had all grown over. My husband had a belly button ring before mission which he took out to go on mission, then.. on mission he got a nipple ring!! he and his comp. both did it. Chaffed quite a bit under their clothes.

    (p.s. My husband served in Auckland, New Zealand '96-'98, where did you go?)