Tuesday, February 2, 2010


(Note to active Mormon members, I will say things here that you won't like)

I was an active Mormon 100% devoted to my calling with the Young Women, 100% converted to the doctrine. I gave talks in front of the entire congregation bearing witness to the things I believed were true. So what changed? Did I read anti-Mormon literature? Did I give up and say it's all just too hard? Did I crave 'worldly things'? No, No and No. I'll tell you what happened. I read the Book of Mormon. Faithfully reading from my scriptures I came to the second chapter in Jacob for the nth time in my life but this time I noticed something that I hadn't before. Here are verses 27-30, v30 is where I stopped short:

27 Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none;
28 For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women. And whoredoms are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts.
29 Wherefore, this people shall keep my commandments, saith the Lord of Hosts, or cursed be the land for their sakes.
30 For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up seed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things.

Here I realised that God was saying He might implement plural marriage at some future time. I had never noticed that before (must have been very sleepy those other times I read it). I cross-referenced this with 'revelations' in Joseph Smiths Doctrine and Covenants. You can read section 132 here. It outlines the 'New and Everlasting Covenant' including the plurality of wives. What I read there curdled my blood. Here are verses 54-56 (I have marked some words in bold type) :

54 And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, to abide and cleave unto my servant Joseph, and to none else. But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord; for I am the Lord thy God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law.
55 But if she will not abide this commandment, then shall my servant Joseph do all things for her, even as he hath said; and I will bless him and multiply him and give unto him an hundredfold in this world, of fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, houses and lands, wives and children, and crowns of eternal lives in the eternal worlds.
56 And again, verily I say, let mine handmaid forgive my servant Joseph his trespasses; and then shall she be forgiven her trespasses, wherein she has trespassed against me; and I, the Lord thy God, will bless her, and multiply her, and make her heart to rejoice.

Ok so I left the church about 5 months ago so bear with me here... here's my current response to this 'revelation' - FUCK OFF!!!!

I will give more evidence in future posts but for now suffice it to say that after more than a year of research I believe that Joseph Smith wrote this 'revelation' from his own philandering heart and mind (or should I say penis!). Whatever his delusions of grandeur were this step places him squarely in the realm of bastard, scoundrel, villain, rogue, rascal, snake, jerk, swine, cad, knave.... take your pick.

Note the highlighted section. For several hours I believed that God would destroy me if I would not accept plural marriage in the future. During this time I felt the greatest pain that I have ever felt in my life. I appeared that God did not love me as much as he did my husband, or any man for that matter. I was a 'thing', property to be traded and used. It hurt. Just remembering that experience now makes my heart race and my stomach turn. Again, after 12+ months of sorting through all of this crap I can say FUCK OFF!!! FUCK OFF!!! FUCK OFF !!! to Joe Smith and his accomplices.

I will fill in the gaps in future posts but this was the ignition of my new life.


  1. ouch babe, ouch!!

    Of course I agree, the atrocities of JS are ... well atrocious and justifiably you are angered by them.

    I love you.

  2. I decided to revert to Mormon swearing. I think I freaked some people out. You won't see that much anger from now on. The post about the trigger for leaving was always going to be a tough one. It was really hard to write. A lot of emotions going on there but it was good for me to get it out. I hadn't intended to tell this story so early but a number of people asked and I thought it would be useful to get it out now. I promise the next thread will be more calm.

  3. This post made me think of this bit of '1984', about Winston and Julia.

    A thing that astonished him about her was the coarseness of her language. Party members were supposed not to swear, and Winston himself very seldom did swear, aloud, at any rate. Julia, however, seemed unable to mention the Party, and especially the Inner Party, without using the kind of words that you saw chalked up in dripping alley-ways. He did not dislike it. It was merely one symptom of her revolt against the Party and all its ways, and somehow it seemed natural and healthy, like the sneeze of a horse that smells bad hay.

  4. Thanks Daniel, I needed that. I was feeling that maybe I had been too harsh. Then I remembered that I'm doing this for myself. I'm trying to document how I really feel about this process.

    It's weird, I can swear with Toby but in print it seems so much worse.

  5. I know. You can say, "I am so fucking glad to be out of that church. Religion is a pile of shit," but when you write it, it seems different.

    Oh, well. Fuck it.

  6. Hello Maureen,

    I happened across your blog and I just wanted to commend you for the leap you have made. I understand it very well. I grew up as a mormon and left the church after my mission was complete. During my studies and prayers as a missionary I came to the conclusion that gods dont exist and therefor the mormon church is just as wrong as them all. After that I was able to see all the hypocrisies in the church. In any case, just wanted to say hello and I am glad you figured it out for yourself.

  7. Thanks Jeffrey, your comment came at a very good time as I have just lost my first Mormon friend as a result of this blog. I am still processing the how and why of that! It is very encouraging to meet and hear from people who are on the same journey as I am. It is a tough road but I am glad that I am on it and I know that I will get better at coping with the process. I look forward to reading your comments here and at Neruda.

  8. Maureen, I'm sure you'll know who I am but I won't put my name on here.
    Anyway, this so resonates with me. My heart bleeds for Emma Smith and what she went through. She clearly loved her husband, not to mention the fact that in the time period she lived in leaving him would not have been an option. Add to that the emotional manipulation of a husband bringing "God" into the equation, and she pretty much was stuck. I understand her pain, as I was once in a marriage where "God" was used to force me to do whatever he wanted. We would discuss things as a married couple, he would want option A and I would want option B. Then of course, he would invoke "God" who would inform him that I had to follow option A. No big surprise there I guess. Fantastic way to control someone who is trying so hard to do the right thing. So I've been where Emma was, including having a husband with a wandering eye who justified that by getting "God" involved.
    The whole thing just nauseates me and I am glad that I am out of it now.

  9. Hey there anonymous, sorry it took me a while to see your comment, I haven't figured out how to get notifications sent to my email account when there are new comments.

    As for what you have shared here, thank you for courage. Here I am complaining away and yet I have not experienced anything near the things that you have. I am so sorry that someone thought they could treat you the way that they did. You are so very strong and I admire you tremendously. Here's to the future and freedom from tyrants of all kinds.

  10. Section 132 was the final straw for me. I was driving my car and listening to my Ipod. I listened to Section 132 and was blown away. Hearing the personal threats to Emma's existence sent chills. Hearing about women only being allowed to marry one man while the men can marry as many "virgins" as they want sent shockwaves through my body. Joseph Smith coerced women to break his own commandment by marrying them when they were already married to their own husbands. I cannot believe in a God that gives personal death threats of destruction for disobedience. I don't care how anyone tries to look at it, polygamy is wrong in every way. There is not one positive outcome to it. Not one.