Sunday Funday

Midnight

grrrrrrreen

We sleep in

We venture out to the windy town of Fremantle

Submarines

The Maritime Museum

Barnacles

Trinkets

The Shipwreck Galleries

Wet and wild

Dinner with a view (and cocktails)

Stress-Free Kids Party: The Ultimate Oxymoron

Easter kicked my butt.

My daughter's birthday was on Easter Sunday this year and she really wanted to have her party on the day; not a week before, not a week after, the real day!

So we planned it. We sent out invites 2 weeks before the big day to give people enough time to rsvp, figuring that we could always reschedule the party if people were going away for the holiday. Instead everyone bar one said that they could come! party on.

Then the day before the party we started getting calls and texts saying that such and such couldn't make it because they had some Easter do on. One parent even gave me a 'lecture' about how their child's birthday had been on Easter Sunday last year and how they couldn't have the party on that day because everyone is busy with their families on that day. I also had another person tell me that Easter Sunday is for families and that I really shouldn't plan a party for that day. What the...!

Well this was all news to me! As a Mormon I never noticed the Easter Sunday being any different than Good Friday, Easter Saturday or Easter Monday! Well, except for going to church but we did that every week. I had never experienced the Sunday as any different to the other 3 days. I never even knew which day to plant the easter eggs, I generally just picked a day that suited me best.

Hmmm. The morning of the party we had 2 more rsvp reversals and we were forced to reschedule the party. My daughter had a few tears (I had a few tears- thanks A for listening to me whinge!) and then we picked ourselves up and went ice-skating. It was invigorating and extremely enjoyable. (Next year I think we'll have the party there!).

So yeah... just when I thought I could live my atheistic life in peace Easter came and knocked me for 6.

Putting My Brave Face On

About 2 weeks ago, in an attempt to regain some control over my life, I closed my facebook account and shut down this blog. I had reached a point where I greatly resented the public nature of my journey. If I could change the past I would go back and start this blog as an anonymous venture. The passive-aggressive nature of some facebook interactions and misunderstandings had accumulated and worn me down. And perhaps most of all this blog was beginning to shape me rather me shaping it.

(There was also a very specific catalyst for the shutdowns but I won’t discuss it here).

It is one thing when friends un-friend you on facebook, it is quite another when a family member does it. How on earth does religion trump family? It would seem as though the religion that most likes to present itself as family-friendly has a rather bad track record of keeping families together. All of the focus on the afterlife has blinded people to the needs and feelings of those right in front of them in the here and now! I watched an online friend go through the full gamut of emotions recently resulting in serious consideration of suicide. And we all know about the suicide attempts and actual suicides of LGBT Mormon youth in the States.

It saddens me to be experiencing rejection and unkindness from family. The loss of friendships has also been hard but there have been many beautiful people ready to pop up and take their place; do I have to replace family as well? I guess I am beginning to learn that family is not a right but a privilege and must be earned with love, respect and kindness.

I am blown away by the lack of compassion shown by Mormons. There are some that shine out and do what you’d expect any decent human to do but then there are a disturbing number who refuse to even try to understand an apostate’s pain. The horribly overused label stating that a person has “Left the church but won’t leave the church alone” is one that is sadly so entrenched in Mormon culture and yet it is so hurtful to anyone who is trying to process the enormous changes going on in their life. Think for just a moment of how you might feel if everything you thought was true was turned upside-down and it happened at whirlwind speed and then imagine that the people who you have been closest to for your whole life tell you that you must never speak about this to them, ever. For you to discuss your confusion, feelings of betrayal and hurt, your loss… all of these very real emotions and experiences are rejected by those whom you love and instead you are told that you are mistaken, lost and evil.

Instead of discussion there is ignorance. Instead of love, distance.

And so because I started this journey with my brave real face on I now have to choose whether to ‘disappear’ and regain some peace or move forward in the face of hypocrisy and unkindness and put my name to my thoughts and experiences. I know that by writing these things down I will help someone else who is right now being shunned by their Mormon family and friends. After all of the lessons I heard in church about writing a journal to help my progeny it turns out that the most useful thing I can do with my words is to help people survive the turmoil that can come in the first stages of post-Mormonism.

Festivus for the rest of us?

Last year I was still a bit shell-shocked when Christmas came around. I kind of just went through the motions, oh and I still thought Jesus and God were real too, that's kind of significant I suppose. However, throughout the year I lost one and then the other, found one again, lost them again. You know how it goes. Now I find myself 3 days out from Christmas wondering W(hy)TF I am still buying into the Christmas season when I don't even believe in Christ?!

A friend of mine told me a couple of nights ago that they don't celebrate Christmas and it kind of triggered me into thinking "oh yeah, that's right I probably ought to re-assess what I'm doing here". Particularly because apathy/paralysis have conspired to lead me to this point -3days out!!!- with no friggin' clue of what I am doing!

Well I came across this article today which reminded me that Christmas (a force unto itself/an entity not unlike say a corporation) actually borrowed many of it's feel good traditions from paganism. Now I'm no expert so please pick me up on my incorrectness. My understanding is that after a long cold winter, people would celebrate the Winter Solstice with food, wine, dancing, tree decorating etc etc. Now when I realised/remembered this I was so happy because I love the tree, the snow, the cute little robins and twigs, the cake, the wreath, the food, the music... oh how do I love the music!!! and I don't have to toss it out along with my belief in the Jesus story. LOT's of it can stay, yay!

Oh, and my kids still love the Jesus story and it is kinda sweet so I'll keep the cutesy versions and just add some more myths of my own as I find them.

Now last night (why oh why didn't I bring my camera?!) Toby and I took the kids into town to have dinner with my brother and his girlfriend and son, my other brother and my dad. It was RAD. We went to Miss Maud . It is a Swedish restaurant all homely and snug. It was decorated with pine garlands and fake snow. There was a giant gingerbread house in the middle of the smorgasboard!! and the band played lovely Christmassy tunes all night. Everyone had a great time. This will have to become a tradition I think!

Then a friend reminded me of the fact that we live in Australia and our Solstice is of the summer variety at this time of year. Our festivities involve the beach and cold beer and food. She also reminded me of this song. Love it!

...and finally some sage advice from my most pagan of friends was a renaming of the day itself.

GIFTMAS!!!

Oh, how I love this new name! I certainly plan on using it in my newly atheist family. When religious types are around I may go easy on them for a while yet and just harp on about the solstice but giftmas is a keeper.

Oh and Bowie reminded me earlier today of how much fun it is to be able to write X-mas now with no fear of thunderbolts!!

So, I plan on spending some more energy looking into ways to merge a Winter/Summer Solstice celebration that will allow me to retain everything that I love about Christmas/Winter Solstice traditions whilst paying homage to my very hot homeland of Australia.

Grandparents

My maternal grandmother (Granny) passed away this morning. She went peacefully in a lovely aged care facility with her two daughters by her bedside. I am so happy for her. I don't know what the next life holds for any of us but I feel that she has moved on to some exciting new adventure. I imagine her young and vibrant again, like the sassy girl I saw dressed in military uniform in old black and white photos. Oh and there's lots of green grass and sunshine in my imaginary world for her. That is the beauty of freedom. I can choose whatever reality I would like to imagine her in and boom! there she is having a great time. No-one can tell me otherwise because there are no authorities on the afterlife.

Tobys grandfather passed away about 2 weeks ago now. Toby has had a difficult time processing this. He has been grieving deeply and has let out a lot of pent up emotions. It has also been tough for me to watch him dealing with so many emotions all at once. I think that our society does not allow men enough space to show emotion throughout their lives; so that when men do hit a big emotional spot they get a bit overwhelmed. Toby also had to deal with some unpleasant religious attitudes at the time which did not help him at all. I won't elaborate as that would be his story to tell if he wants to. He probably won't though. That is why my advice to any ex-mo's who are thinking about blogging would be to go with an anonymous blog; then you can talk about the things that you really need to get off your chest!

My maternal grandfather and my paternal grandmother passed on a couple of years ago now within days of each other! How interesting is that.

My memories of my maternal grandfather (Grandad) include admiring the model airplanes (check out yellow one in photo below) that he made out of glass bottles, tin and alluminium and him walking around the garden with his cigarettes, taking a 'breather' from family politics. He was from Cornwall, England and so was rather on the shorter end in terms of height (a trait I have inherited), he also had one leg a bit longer than the other and so my memories are of a cute little grandad with his trademark hobble pottering around with a glint in his eye getting on with the business of seeing beauty in everyday things.

My paternal grandmother lived in England. I saw her once when I was about 5, she and grandad came to Australia to live with us for a few months. I was then lucky enough to visit her in England when I was 18. My paternal grandfather had passed away the year before. I remember (or maybe I just remember being told about it?) sitting on his knee and listening to his awesome crazy grandad stories. He was tall and wore cool hats. My Granny was another sassy woman. I remember one evening we were all supposed to be doing some kind of fun activity but everyone was waiting for me to finish up with the dishes (hang on a minute, I was 5!!! hmmm, time to get my kids onto it) and she came in and plonked all of the cutlery onto the sink and went swish swish swish and then pulled them out again and put them on the draining board and said "that's how you do it" (or something similar) Hahahahaha, thanks Granny.

I am now grandparent-less. I loved knowing all of them and I cherish my memories of them no matter how skewed they are by time. I will be sure to remember them often and to draw upon my memories of them to help me here in my life. I love you Granny, Granny, Grandad and Grandad xxxx

A Romantic Divorce?

So I think I’d better clarify my earlier statement about divorce. I am more in love with T than ever. We had a great 10^th anniversary celebration the other day and are very excited about our future together.

I have two reasons for wanting a divorce.

From my previous post you will see that I believe my wedding day and marriage was a shambles. I do not look on the event with fondness. I would like very much to purge Mormonism and especially a marriage linked with polygamy out of my life.

The second reason and in fact the reason that first got me thinking about divorce is this: Until the LGBT community is awarded the same rights with marriage that heterosexual people have then I do not wish to have anything to do with the institution of marriage.

I personally would like to forfeit my marriage as a way of offering some small act of solidarity for the LGBT community.

For now these are just ideas I am spinning around in my head. If it were just up to me I would go right ahead and do it. I have mentioned the idea to T and he seemed to understand but he needs time (understandably) to think about it.

I have even been thinking about having a lovely celebration for the event. It would be in stark contrast to my wedding day. Whilst THAT day was fraught with weirdness and loneliness my divorce would be a joyous occasion with family and friends, sun and sand… Oh, and of course my one and only who I look forward to spending the rest of my unmarried life with in great peace and happiness.