god song

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More Energy!

Do you know what the favourite relaxation track is among my Body Balance participants?

It's called One Hundred Thousand Angels. 


... and yeah, it's a nice song but I can't always stomach it.

I've had more than a few mothers ask me the name and artist so that they can download it to play to their kids when they go to sleep. I'm cool with that idea. I think it's nice for kids to imagine lots of angels, fairies or sprites watching over them. I even let myself get carried away with the idea sometimes as I lie there at the end of class. Why not. For me the hundred thousand angels are my loved ones anyway. I imagine their love for me being the 'angels' that are so sweetly sung about in the track.

An atheist's enjoyment of a god song.

Down.
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More Energy!

p.s. vote for my next 30-day challenge idea, top right corner of Black Bikini blog. Ta.

Sexy Atheists

"Atheists have always argued that this world is all that we have, and that our duty is to one another to make the very most and best of it."

I have been at a Divine One-Day Retreat  all day today and am pooped from all of the relaxation! hence I am going to take krissthesexyatheist's advice and post some other peoples stuff!

There is a Facebook page called 'Sexy Atheists'. Check it out and add your own photo if you're feeling sexy and atheist.

My top picks from the site are... well, obviously my number one is Christopher Hitchens, pictured above.

Then there's the ever lovely and spunky Emma Thompson.

"I'm an atheist; I suppose you can call me a sort of libertarian anarchist. I regard religion with fear and suspicion. It's not enough to say that I don't believe in God. I actually regard the system as distressing: I am offended by some of the things said in the Bible and the Qur'an and I refute them."

And one for Rockstar...Brad Pitt. "There's peace in understanding that I have only one life, here and now, and I'm responsible."

I See You

I posted this link on facebook yesterday. 
Bryan Michael Egnew took his life on September 10th 2011. Just weeks before he had come out as a gay man to his family and church (LDS/Mormon). His wife took their 5 children to another state and refused to let Bryan see them. The church excommunicated him.

An LDS friend of mine commenting under the link:
" I think there's always more to it than we will ever know."


...and I found myself typing out a pretty decent response. 


We can never know the whole story. The part that we do know (and we know from many other cases of gay members who have committed suicide after revealing their homosexuality whilst still remaining celibate and faithful) is that the lay leaders are not acting in unison. You have an openly gay Bishop (celibate) who is supported by the leadership of the church and is encouraged to tell his story. Then you have Bryan (and many others) who are excommunicated for being honest about their struggle, still living the commandments* but the treatment they receive is really rough. Excommunication is a big deal, especially if Bryan (and others) still believe in the church. 

The main leadership of the church needs to train the lay leadership in how to love and embrace the gay members of their wards. 

This is the very least I would like to see happen. 

My pipe dream is that the church will renounce their homophobic 'doctrines' since all 'revelation' on the matter has been developed through impressions of elderly men discussing the issue together based on how they FEEL bout it. None of them have actually spoken to god and anyone who knows the gospel and the history of the church knows this. 

People can only accept what they themselves perceive to be true. No one can make someone believe something else. We all ought to be free to live our lives the best we know how without any self-professed authorities lording over you. To condemn people to a life of misery based of how some men in power feel about homosexuality is really rotten. The delusions run deep and I understand how real it feels but when people are ending their lives because they have been rejected by their church and because they think they are evil and because they can't find happiness in the church then this is serious business that MUST be addressed by the church leadership and MUST be questioned by believing members as they are the only ones that the leadership will listen to. 

There is always more to any story but we have enough info from Bryans story (and others) to know 
that something needs to change.


*I realised after writing this comment that I had made an assumption that "[...] his Church immediately excommunicated him because he refused to denounce his sexual orientation." meant that he was excommunicated for admitting he was gay only. I made an assumption that he had been living faithfully as a husband and Mormon before that. Which may very well still be the case; I just want to point out that the article isn't very clear on it so my comments about him being faithful are an assumption. It doesn't change my opinions on the matter but it is important that I point out I made an assumption there. 


I noticed something else after writing this comment. The friend who had commented is a believing member who has supported me since the very first day I announced my disaffection from the church. I noticed that I was able to write down my thoughts in response to their comment in a more calm and reasonable way than what I may have done had someone else written the comment. I think that my friend and I have built up a good base of respect and friendship to be able to say what we think to each other and to really hear the other one. Although we believe very different things the lines of communication are open and I really think that we are taking in what the other is saying. I cant say that for so many other interactions that I have with LDS members. Most of those conversations seem like a complete waste of time. 


I am really encouraged by this relationship and the possibilities it in itself holds as well as what it means for me in how I want to speak to everyone I come into contact with.


As it turns out there is more to this story (there always is). My anonymous commenter motivated me to look a little further. The article in PRIDE in Utah is being called a slur. The only source that is named in the article is a friend of Bryan's (Jahn Curran). The article claims that Bryan's facebook page was censored to remove information about his homosexuality. So there are quite a number of questions left unanswered.  

The main reasons I wrote this post were a.) to give voice to Bryan and his struggle that so sadly ended in him taking his life. b.) to talk about how a believing friend and I were trying to see each others POV on it. 


At the end of the day this man was a member of the LDS church. He married and had a family instead of living true to himself as a gay man because he believed that was what god wanted him to do. He struggled through life because there are people who think they know God's mind and they have no qualms lying to people and destroying lives. 


This for me is the crux of the issue. I would like to get the full story but as I said before, we have enough of the story to say:
  
"The Church of Latter-​Day Saints still has no official guidelines for how to respond when someone comes out. "


... and that is making all the difference. 

Moving On

We're at the butt end now of the September 30-day blog challenge and I am really happy with the results so far. I have blogged about all kinds of stuff that I otherwise wouldn't have bothered to. There have been new people commenting. I have discovered new blogs thanks to other people taking on the 30-day blog challenge.

I have also thought a lot about where I would like this blog to go. I think that once September is up I am going to change the look a bit and start blogging about my new 30-day challenge. I'd like to largely leave the ex-Mormon element of my blog behind. I have been blogging about my de-conversion for 2 years now and I would like to refocus. I am going to have links to the old stuff still readily available and I am still going to talk about whatever comes to mind but I would like to try something new.

So, I need your help.

What should I choose for my next 30-day challenge?

• 30-minute houseclean (not counting dishes, laundry etc i.e. everyday stuff) 
• A photo a day
• No chocolate!
• A letter a day
• No face-book 
• Abstain from alcohol
• 2x 15 min Meditation per day. (Or one 30 min)
• Make something every day (crafty)
• Push-up challenge (30 push-ups a day) 
• Kiss challenge 

I want you to vote! If you have more ideas please let me know. I plan to keep this going; once I've finished one I'll move onto the next. Check out the poll in the top right hand corner of this blog. 

Troy Davis

Picture from ColorOfChange.org

To take a life.

This may very well be the only life we will ever have. I cannot make sense of the death of Troy Davis. I thought we lived in a world of innocent until proven guilty; and even then, mistakes get made. Hasn't anyone in Georgia ever watched The Hurricane or listened to Bob Dylan! 

I am so sorry Troy that the people of this world took your life. To Troy's family I send love, virtual hugs and my deepest sympathy. Troy's story has affected me deeply and I will never forget him. Thank you ColorOfChange.org for all that you do.

Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. - Gandalf, in theThe Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, by J. R. R. Tolkien (1954).

Most people approve of capital punishment, but most people wouldn't do the hangman's job. - George Orwell, The Road to Wigan Pier, 1937

"To take a life when a life has been lost is revenge, not justice." -Desmond Tutu

"Capital punishment is the most premeditated of murders." -Albert Camus, French philosopher

"What says the law? You will not kill. How does it say it? By killing!" -Victor Hugo, author of Les Miserables

I want to share with you an email I received this morning from ColorOfChange.org  

Dear Maureen,

At 11:08 pm Wednesday, the state of Georgia killed Troy Davis. Just before he was executed, Troy maintained his innocence, urged people to dig deeper into the case to find the truth, and said "For those about to take my life, may God have mercy on your souls, may God bless your souls." It's a tragic day for Troy, for his family, and for equality, fairness, and justice.

It's hard to know what to say at a time like this. In this moment, and in the days and weeks before Troy's execution, we've felt all kinds of things — anger, sadness, inspiration, hope and hopelessness. This is a time to mourn and remember Troy, to contemplate the profound loss we're facing, to send love and support to Troy's family and friends. It's incredibly important to take the time to spiritually and emotionally care for Troy's family and the amazing community that has arisen to support Troy — and it feels hard to muster the energy to do much more than that.

But before he died, Troy told us that this was about more than him — and he called on those of us who have fought against his execution to continue fighting for justice, even if we weren't successful in saving his life. Now is also an important moment to take stock of what's brought us to this point — the criminal justice system that allowed this to happen, and the movement we've built to fight for Troy and others facing injustice and oppression at the hands of that system.

Race, the criminal justice system, and the death penalty

At every stage of the criminal justice system, Black people and other minorities face inequality and discrimination. We all know about people who've been treated unfairly by police or by the courts. When the entire system treats Black people unequally, it means that the death penalty is applied unequally too. Troy Davis' case underscores the way in which this systemic inequality can lead to a tragic miscarriage of justice.

In most cases, people who've been treated unfairly or wrongly convicted have some chance to correct the injustice. People who have been mistreated by the police can sue them. People who are wrongly serving time can be granted new trials, can be released from prison, and are sometimes entitled to compensation. As we all know, the safeguards that can correct abuse by the criminal justice system often fail, and rampant inequality persists. Usually, people can at least keep trying.

But there's no way to correct a death sentence. If Troy Davis were serving a sentence of life in prison without parole, he could continue to press the legal system to grant him a fair trial — but because the death penalty exists, he will not have that opportunity.

Troy Davis' case has sparked a national conversation about the death penalty. In the past, much of the debate around the death penalty has focused on the morality of killing people as a legal punishment — a very important question that brings out a lot of strong opinions. But even if we completely leave aside the question whether or not it can ever be right for the government to punish a murderer by killing them, there's an entirely different debate to be had — whether or not we can have the death penalty and actually avoid the possibility of killing innocent people. In a criminal justice system that routinely misidentifies Black suspects and disproportionately punishes Black people, Black folks are more likely to be wrongfully executed.

There's plenty of evidence to suggest that the death penalty has been used to kill innocent people many times. Since 1973, more than 130 people have been released from death row because of evidence that they were wrongly convicted. Troy Davis is one of many people who were executed despite serious questions about their guilt, and he's called on his supporters to continue working to end the death penalty.

A group of NAACP organizers went to visit Troy in prison yesterday, and NAACP's Robert Rooks said this about the visit:

For someone that was facing death the very next day, he was just full of life and wanted to spend time talking to the younger staff, the interns, giving them direction and hope and asking them to hold onto God. And he challenged them. He challenged them by saying, "You have a choice. You can either fold up your bags after tomorrow and go home, or you can stand and continue this fight." He said it doesn’t—it didn’t begin with Troy Davis, and this won’t end if he is executed today. He just asked us all just to continue to fight to end the death penalty, if in fact he’s executed.

A powerful movement

For years, ColorOfChange members have been an important part of a growing movement to stop Troy Davis' execution. Hundreds of phone calls from ColorOfChange members to the Georgia Board of Pardons and Parole helped delay Davis' execution twice. Over the past year, there's been a huge outpouring of support for Davis from ColorOfChange members — more than 100,000 of us have signed petitions, and we raised more than $30,000 to run radio ads in Georgia calling for justice for Troy.

And we've been part of an even bigger movement — NAACP, Amnesty International, National Action Network, Change.org, and others have all been a major part of the fight for Troy Davis, and there are now over close to a million petition signatures overall. Prominent people from all across the political spectrum have spoken out: members of the Congressional Black Caucus, Desmond Tutu, former President Jimmy Carter, Pope Benedict XVI, former FBI Director William Sessions, former Georgia Republican congressman Bob Barr, and former Georgia Supreme Court Chief Justice Norman Fletcher.

This movement couldn't stop Davis' execution — but it's a movement that won't die with Troy Davis. There's no better way to honor Troy's memory than to keep fighting for justice.

Thanks and Peace,

-- Rashad, James, Gabriel, William, Dani, Matt, Natasha and the rest of the ColorOfChange.org team
   September 21st, 2011

Shut the Fuck Up!

I'm talking to myself. 

A friend complimented me recently saying that I have an 'open heart'. I like this description and I do want to keep things that way. However, I feel that I need to build some kind of fortifications as well as learn the art of concealment. I tell people waaaaay too much about myself (having a blog kind of adds to that). I really like being open and honest with people but I think that I am being too trusting and naive in thinking that everyone I speak to will treat me well. 

I think part of the problem is that I hate silences, especially on the phone. Ugh, the phone. If the other person is silent for more than a second then I feel compelled to fill in the space; usually with some kind of idiotic blabbering. So I try and avoid the phone. Texting and emailing are my favourite ways to communicate, that is, if it is not possible to speak to someone in person. I am pretty good in person with people that I know. I still suffer from bouts of verbal diarrhea but not as bad as on the phone and certainly not as often. Plus you've got body language and eye contact etc to help you out. Even better is if you can add a third or fourth person to the conversation... takes the pressure off. 

My underdevelopment in this social area has lead to a few problems lately. I have blabbered out information that, whilst I haven't leaked anyone's secrets, I have said more than was wise and I have seen more than a few people hurt by my big mouth over the last few months. Most recently I stuffed up on facebook. I was trying to help out a new friend but in the process I hurt some other friends. If any of my friends from, well... they'll know who they are, read this then I hope you can forgive me and maybe even welcome me back after some time has passed. I need to learn how to keep peoples information safe before I think of returning to that group. It really woke me up though. I was being careless with other people's information and privacy and I couldn't see the danger. Now that's it's all done I can see all too clearly how I stuffed up and I am really annoyed at myself for being so irresponsible and selfish. 

I've been thinking about it a lot today. I can see where I came undone and it is something that Rockstar has pointed out about me before. I get quite incensed over any injustices that I think have occurred and I think I forge ahead; acting on emotion and being blinded by it. Whilst I admire my own courage to stick up for others; I do recognise that I need to take stock of my emotional responses and hopefully harness the courage and 'open-heartedness' for good. 

Now I've probably gone and said too much again. How about a 30-day challenge of silence! 

The Readership

mfranti asks:

I have a question for you. If I smoke pot in a foreign country where pot is legal and take a drug test for work 30 days later while the THC is still in my system,I did nothing illegal. discuss. should I be fired/not hired for drug use?

Well this is easy. The answer is 'NO'. The end.

But since I am not the boss of the world...

My guess is that many workplaces would expect you to take into account the length of time the drug will stay in your system and expect you to refrain even when on holiday in a country where it is legal! (Which I think is B.S.)

If I were the boss then 'No' because firstly I have no beef with pot and secondly I would want to respect your holiday indulgences. Oh, and thirdly the THC that would be left in your system 30 days later surely would have no real effect on your performance at work.

So yeah, I should be the boss of the world.

I'd like to see marijuana decriminalised and eventually legalised. Seriously, how is it any more harmful than cigarettes or alcohol or SUGAR for that matter!


Lastly... next time I expect an invite to said holiday destination with legalised green stuff.