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NOH8 Photo-shoot

There's not much you can convey to someone once they've stuck a bit of gaffa tape over your mouth. I wonder if this will catch on as a technique for photographers working with unruly models. The up side of this for me was that I didn't have to smile! or even worry that much about my expression, although looking at it now I think that I could have expressed a little of something! 

If you've been living under a rock and don't know what the NOH8 campaign is about then you can visit them here. I've lifted this bit of info from their website bcos I'm sitting here with a hot water bottle trying to ease some stomach cramping before heading off to teach Body Balance in a minute (wah wah), so yeah, too lazy to summarise. 

"On November 4, 2008 Proposition 8 passed in California, amending the state Constitution to ban same-sex marriage. The defeat provoked a groundswell of initiative within the GLBT community at a grassroots level, with many new political and protest organizations being formed in response. 

The NOH8 Campaign is a photographic silent protest created by celebrity photographer Adam Bouska (http://www.bouska.net) and partner Jeff Parshley in direct response to the passage of Proposition 8. Photos feature subjects with duct tape over their mouths, symbolizing their voices being silenced by Prop 8 and similar legislation around the world, with "NOH8" painted on one cheek in protest."


Funds raised by the NOH8 Campaign are used to promote and raise awareness for Marriage Equality and anti-discrimination on a global level through an educational and interactive media campaign.

Make LOVE people!

I am??? ... I am you. and you are me.

Time to check in. 

I want to say something. This 'coming to terms with my own mortality thing'? ... um...........

...it's not that fucking easy! 

There, I said it. 

I never never never want back 'in' to the Mormon church, or any church, but (yes, but!)  god damn I wish there were something after this life! I do, I really do. I don't want that prick of a Mormon god's idea of heaven, nor anything like unto it. I want my girls and my guys with me forever. I want endless forever. I want peace and joy and passion and ecstasy for everyone. I want someone to fucking wipe the memories of anyone who was ever abused! the bad memories only and only the ones we want wiped. I know, I know! not possible, how would something like that work? I don't bloody know but isn't that the point of a next life? there would be some kind of eye-opening epiphany where we'd be able to do all kinds of things we never thought were possible. 

Grrrrrrrr!

So. Back to reality. 

Possibly the number one benefit of waking from my 31 year slumber is my new-found ability to live in the present moment. I've experienced a lot of pain in the last 2 years. I don't care to share right now; well you've been along for the ride anyway. Pain and joy, just about equally matched I'd say. I have a lot of questions. My mind is pretty much constantly mulling things over. It gets to be a bit much. Anyway, the point that I wanted to get to was that I have noticed that I quite regularly catch myself in a situation that is... well, crap really - and I start to feel like shit and I feed that negative feeling BUT then (to my great relief) I am very quickly reminded of my mortality and the uselessness of dwelling on shit and I snap into  a sharp and bright sense of my surroundings, my present. It smells amazing! have you smelled it? it is so beautiful! have you seen it?!!! and the sound! the taste! seriously, I know this all sounds like drivel right now but try and see it! Fark! We are alive! AaaaaaaaH, actually breathing and moving and feeling and thinking and loving and singing and feeling feeling feeling, did I say feeling?!!!!

My dad was probably right (godammit!) when he said that I am a very emotionally driven person. I think that in the past I channelled that emotion to god and now I am working with that erm handicap(?) to find a way to be passionate and brave but also reasonable and coherent. I love the rush that I feel when I throw myself headlong into something that I feel strongly about. I don't care about getting hurt (before I get hurt that is), if I think something is worth fighting for then you're going to fucking see a fight! So I get hurt. Yup. Mmm. Yes I do. And I like the pain too, bcOs then I feel alive. I imagine people who self-harm feel this kind of rush. I suppose I emotionally self-harm. BUT if I think it is worth it then i will do it again and again and again. Like I said, that way I know I'm alive. 

ALIVE! 

I've tried a few substances in the last year or so. I've enjoyed, it I won't lie. BUT the biggest fucking rush of all is life itself. The power within each of us. The energy/love/? inside each of us is freaking amazing. And when we share it, when we use it... it increases exponentially!

Ok. Yeah I sound a bit erm.... yeah that. 

BUT I feel (yes FEEL) overcome by my yearning to connect with as many people as I can in my one 'for-sure' life. You are me and I am you. What connects us? 

No more walls. No more divide. We are ONE. 

One Love

I have joined blackbikini and greenbikini together as I don't feel the need to separate the two any longer. My dark, light and grey-scale personality flares seem to be safely coexisting.

An update on yesterdays post. Communication has resumed; my internal sky doesn't look as gloomy as it did yesterday.  I went out with the girls last night (outdoor movie, picnic under the pine trees, Danish movie ) and I feel generally more energised and able to cope.

The movie also alerted me to my own bloody selfishness! My life is a dream compared to the struggles of so many people (and animals) on our planet.

ONE Love.